“I wish I had a twin so I could see what I would look like without plastic surgery” Joan Rivers.
I too wish for a twin. Only to see what my life would look like had I made different choices. The What if’s and Should-a, Would-a, Could-a’s haunt me, but only when things aren’t looking so good. Only when I’m lonely, or have a fever…or on the nights my king size bed seems vast as the Sahara and as cold as Siberia.
It’s been a year since I decided to move. Since I had my first Italian New Years Eve. It’s been a year since I was excited about my life.
The original idea was of “Building” something “Beautiful”. Something that was all me and all mine. I have to come to realize I am not an “all me. all mine” type of chick. At this point I am happy building Beautifuls’ ugly stepsister Not So Repulsive. Perhaps I shouldn’t build anything at all. Perhaps finding it already built and just waiting for me to step in and take over would be better. When you build something from nothing…you really have no idea what the finished product will look like. (And since, every fantasy has a reality just waiting to kill it.) Do I really want a surprise ending?
I found a job in Florence. Where I can, at least, help others augment some “beautiful” in their lives. I work for a network of plastic surgeons. Even though I am not able to build it for me yet, the idea of helping others reach theirs is fulfilling.
Cars, for the most part aren’t’ allowed in the Historic Center of Florence, where I rented my cozy flat. Every morning I pass the Duomo on foot, breathing in it’s splendor as I stop for a morning cappuccino.. Most, would say it’s not bad…and it’s not. I am not complaining… even if I do walk through one of the worlds most romantic cities…alone, day, after day, after mother F-‘ing day….
Upside! I have learned a lot … Like: Writing in a language you have never studied is really, really REALLY hard!
Also, if you’re walking in a strange city at night and you happen to be wearing tall boots and a short skirt…and you so happen to stall on a corner trying to remember which way the train station is…and a car stops and the driver says something as he rolls down the window….DO NOT ask him to repeat himself…He is NOT asking for directions.
And I have learned…Never say “never”…unless it’s something you really, really want to happen.