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Wanted: Not so Desperately seeking a Talented Monogamist: Must be kind, lovely, romantic and interested in gathering moss. Requires nightly sleepovers, due to an inability to sleep without me. Candidate must have a strong command of the written and spoken word. A glorious sense of humor and generous, adventurous spirit are vital. Loyalty is a non-negotiable trait. Large shoes are always helpful, and as usual, not required. This is not a temporary, nor a part-time assignment. Candidate must be prepared to commit to a full-time position to enjoy complete benefit package.

I underestimated the power of words.  I am sure the writer of “The Secret” is smugly sitting back with that ‘I told you so’ grin on her face. You know, the combination Stink-eye & ”I smell something on my top lip” look that just makes you want to slap somebody’s mother.  I posted the ad below as a joke…I never dreamed anyone would answer it, especially without ever reading it.

 “Desperately seeking a Talented Serial Monogamist: Must be kind, lovely, romantic, but always in transit.  Requires not more than two sleepovers a week.  Candidate must have a strong command of the written and spoken word.  A glorious sense of humor and generous, adventurous spirit is vital.  Large shoes are helpful, but not required.  This is a temporary, part-time assignment, but could work in to a permanent full-time position.” 

 Yep…He sauntered up to me.  He asked for a light, while he was holding a lighter.  Smooth…He struck up a conversation and the rest is… well, her-story.

Our first date, or I should say our first “mini vacation” we went sailing.  He chased me around his yacht. Hours later…I was still running… So he upped the anti.  He took me to meet his parents and told his mother I was the woman of his dreams. 

The next day he took me to meet his friends, and then… he disappeared.  Only to reappear and take me to his mountain home, tucked away in a historic village… to meet more of his friends.  Only to disappear again and then reappear, then disappear again…and again….and sigh, again.

Peppered within these periods of silence, were moments, that up until now, I had only seen in movies and will cherish forever.  Dancing under the Tuscan Moon while his yacht floated on dark shimmering waters.  Being held tightly while he loudly proclaimed “You are really beautiful!” in public, my face lightly touched by his hand while he whispered, “You are really beautiful.”.  Holding my hand the entire time he drove, even while he shifted gears.  Precious heart-to-hearts, sight seeing, romantic restaurants, parties…The reconstruction of his childhood train set we found in the attic of the home his great-grandfather built…rearranging furniture, falling asleep in his arms, by the 500-year old fireplace he cooked our meal in.

He never said he loved me, yet he called me “Amore” (my love).  He never said I meant anything to him, yet he called me “Tesoro” (treasure) He never said he would be there for me if I needed him.  Yet, without saying a word he postponed his agenda just to make sure I was not alone on a certain date. (I mentioned only once.)  He never asked why, I never shared, but he was there.

He comes complete with fantastic stories, well told.  Even when tragic, they had a comic undertone shared from the perspective of a man dipped in a vat of boyish charm.  I enjoyed hearing about his adventures and races out at sea. One day, I sheepishly admitted that I would love to race in a regatta.  With a smile he said, “Would you?”   A few weeks later, he surprised me and there I was, one of the guys taking orders from Titan’s grandson.  He had a way of knowing.  A psychic endowment of the sea that was simply occult.   

The ocean shared no words, yet he knew how to use every motion, undercurrent, temperature-change to his advantage.  In the same way, he was able read my moods, needs, and desires.  This made me feel important and admired.  Which far outweighed the feelings of abandonment his absence would bring.     

Every time he picked me up he would whisk me to another fantasyland adventure. (Far from everyone I knew.) The impending pregnant pause, did indeed, highlight the beauty of the moments we shared, but also kept my heart chained, bound, and firmly on the ground.

Tall, tan and very handsome, barely 30 years old, he has no need to work, every toy available to him and, of course, the pick of any woman he chooses.  When a woman is with this charming Euro-playboy, she is the only woman on earth.  When another woman is…well she is…This is an addicting pattern I had to experience, but this type of love drug warrants a warning label.

Danger: Extreme Highs and Severe Lows Ahead: Tears of joy shed one day will be accompanied by tears on your pillow the next. May also lead to extreme bouts of insecurity, questioning ones value.  Wondering, “Why doesn’t he call…text, email, send smoke signals, a message in a bottle, a homing pigeon, or a rumor via mill?”         

I awoke from a nap while basking in the sun on the bow of the ship.  Southern winds skating across my skin…my joy complete, my soul, at peace.  Gazing in his direction through D&G shades, sparkling Mediterranean waters serving as the backdrop for his handsome stature.   I was smack dab in the middle of “Beautiful”   Sigh

Still, I realized, I had to grow a pair and muster up the strength to say…”Good Bye.”  Yes, it’s a beautiful part-time love story… a lovely dream. But alas, perhaps it’s time for me to wake up and face reality.

So, he answered an ad he never knew he read.  His ability to know exactly what I want, taught me how to read me, too.  I realized I loved every minute with him, because he is everything I want in a full-time relationship…but this was relationship-light. 

It’s a good dress rehearsal, but I want opening night.  I don’t want to be a stand-in.  I want to be the leading lady.  If someone just like, him, under those circumstances, answered my new ad?  Well then, that would be even more “Beautiful”.

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